Tag Archives: Father’s Day

Father’s Day Without Kids

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I read an interesting post on Facebook yesterday.  A friend of mine posted how, despite loving his kids deeply, he really wanted to be left alone for Father’s Day.  You could feel the guilt he felt bleeding through the monitor.  But he still posted it for all to see.

I get it.

As dads, we relish in those moments of peace and quiet where we can get outdoors, watch the game, read a book, work on a project, or do absolutely nothing without interruption.

Photo Credit: JasonTuno via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: JasonTuno via Compfight cc

For those of us who are or have been the primary caregivers, moments of peace and quiet are few and far between.  Just when you get the kids down for a nap, you remember laundry must be done.

Based on our custody arrangement, my son is always with me on Mother’s Day and always with his mom on Father’s Day.  So, I’m always without my son except for a few moments on FaceTime.

But I am OK with it.

My perception of holidays has changed in the several years since the divorce.  Instead of focusing on the day the calendar (or Hallmark) tells me to focus on, I have a more holistic view.

I place high value on the moments I am with my son.  They pass much too quickly.

I place high value on the time I have without him…time where I can take care of myself, invest in my wife and stepsons, and pursue interests.

I place high value on knowing the holiday is not as important as the moments in between.

Let’s make those in between moments count.

What holiday/special day would you most miss spending with your kids?

Father’s Day Without My Son

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Before I get to today’s post, I would like to ask each of you to think about two or three single dads, whether they are full-time or have joint custody, who might benefit from being part of this community and discussion.  Please forward this or just the link to Full-Time Dad and do two things: 1) encourage them as single dads, and 2) ask them to subscribe and give input in this community.  Thanks for doing that and for taking the time each week to read – it means the world to me.

Now, on to the post…

Our custody arrangement always has my son with me on Mother’s Day and with my ex on Father’s Day.  And as much as I say Father’s Day is just a Hallmark money maker…I need to be honest and say it means more to me and being without him kind of sucks.  I know it also sucks for my ex.

Based on what he says, my son also wishes he could be with the appropriate parent on the appropriate day.

Photo Credit: Phil_Bird via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Phil_Bird via Compfight cc

If we were together on Father’s Day, we might take to the waves , go fishing, see a movie, take a hike in the mountains, or just chill out at home.  Instead, we had a phone call (his iPad is not functioning well, so no FaceTime) and a few text messages.  And due to some commitments at church, I did not travel to Tucson to see my dad.

Two dads without their sons on Father’s Day.

I posted a picture of my son, my dad and me on Facebook yesterday morning – and promptly got a lump in my throat.  I truly love each of them and want to be the best son and best father I can be.

So, what does a son-less father do on Father’s Day apart from having the brief, telephonic chat?

I gave thanks for my son.

I gave thanks for my dad.

I looked at some photos with both my son and my dad.

I thought about this community of dads (and a few moms) who I get to share these moments with, and know I am not the only parent who misses his kid when circumstances are not what we ever expected them to be.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest this week.

I hope your Father’s Day reminded you to appreciate the honor we have to be dads.

Have you ever spent Father’s Day without your dad or kids?  What was your take-away from the experience?  No big deal?  A little guilt?  Or, “quit bugging me, the US Open is on”?