In my first blog post you will find a quote from C.S. Lewis acknowledging the power of friendship and community. Over the course of experiencing single fatherhood, those words ring truer than ever.
Just last week I had the opportunity to visit The Eagle and Child pub in Oxford, England. This is the place Lewis and several of his colleagues (notably J.R.R. Tolkien) went to drink a pint, smoke a pipe and develop their friendships. Being there made me consider how much more I could invest in the lives of others and how much enjoyment comes from good drink, fine food, and rich relationships.
Photo by the author
I have known too many fathers going through divorce, custody battles, counseling, their kids’ rebellion, financial stress, and the search for a new spouse. We have taught each other, commiserated, challenged and encouraged one another. Hopefully, this blog has played such a role for you.
My son does not come back from his time with my ex for another two weeks. A few weeks ago I suggested we all take those rare moments when we do not have our kids around to consider where our lives may be out of balance. This week, I suggest we look closely at our social lives – in particular, in our male friendships.
The Art of Manliness recently ran an excellent article on the subject of male friendship. Think about the men in your life and figure out how you can benefit from those relationships and how you can pour your life into others who will benefit from your friendship and advice on being a dad.
We are all in this together…make a point to invest in friendships. Doing so will ultimately benefit you, your friends, and your kids.
Who has been an indispensible friend through your divorce or entry into single-fatherhood? How have you been a friend to someone going through an experience you have already endured?
Jason,
Been a blur of a summer and your posts have been fantastic and I appreciate them though I have been remise in responding. So first let me thank you for your dialog and sharing. Out of all the great ideas this one requires a share from me. I have been blessed to have some very long term true friends in my life. As we grow older, become immersed in our small bubble of work, parenting and trying to eek out time for oneself’s growth and health; friends seem to be easily pushed to the bottom. I recently in the past couple of years have worked hard at “being” a friend and making sure I not only block out time for friends but making sure I reach out and engage. Men as a norm forget or ignore the need to engage in friendships and to share, learn and express tough issues.
The one thing I will say to anyone who wants to be a friend or have a friend in times of huge shifts like Divorce, Single parenting challenges or financial struggles is one must care enough to be there and listen. When I discovered my wife’s affair it was 6:40 in the morning and I was out of town, in a cry for help I woke a friend who met me at the airport, drove me to a movie and spent the day as I roamed thru agony. Years later I asked hey did you call in sick from work that day? What did your wife say…. he just smiled “dude it was all good”. I will never forget and the few moments when that call has been made to me I like to think that I responded knowing that someone has done that for me and that in those times “next week I can have a beer with you” is not what you need.
Peace friend hope to have lunch soon,
Scott
Scott – as always, thanks for adding to the conversation. Your story is such a great example of how you were helped and how we can help others. You’re right about the effort it takes to be a friend and to engage with others, but it seems your experience confirms the value.
Yes – we’ll catch up soon. Just wrapped up some end-of-summer travel and look forward to it.